Are You Comfortable with your Mistakes?
Running into a business colleague I hadn’t seen in a while, my only contribution to the entire 15 minute conversation was 'Uh huh', 'Is that right?'
The entire interaction with J. was 99.9% about her--the big names she’s doing business with, the size of the contracts she’s won. I clearly got how wonderful she (thinks she) is.
Never once did J. ever ask or pause long enough to be curious about what I was doing.
J. was clearly overusing the EQ competency of Self-Regard, which may show up as overly self-promotional, fixated on oneself, and insistence on always being right. It often impacts the quality of Interpersonal Relationships. Who wants to hang around with someone who’s only watching their own back?
Here’s another example.
I know S. to be a very knowledgeable consultant, and noticed he was hanging back in team meetings, not contributing in areas he clearly has experience.
“What's going on?” I ask.
“Oh, these guys all have top-tier business school degrees and I just went to a state school. They have learned from the top business leaders in the world. “
“And this is your area! You've worked with companies on this problem before.”
“Yea, but I was just making it up as I went along. These guys are trained in proven processes. “
S. was not comfortable in his Self-Regard, believing that his experience and insight didn't count for anything and deferring to others without contributing his own ideas. In coaching we might work on dimensions of Assertiveness and Reality Testing to strengthen his comfort with Self-Regard.
What does Self-Regard do for us when it is used effectively?
Getting back to our starting question—Are you comfortable with your mistakes? A healthy sense of Self-Regard means we can acknowledge, with acceptance and humor, when we make a mistake, knowing that this mistake doesn't diminish our value.
We feel confident about sharing our strengths and achievements in a sincere and sensitive way, not as J. did it in an overbearing and self-involved way.
To your best potential,
I’m leading a discussion on Emotional Intelligence at the NoVA Women’s Network luncheon on April 10th and the Women in Technology Mentor-Protégé meeting on April 14th.
Are 360 evaluations part of your leader development plan? VAULT is now certified to administer and coach the outcomes of the Center for Creative Leadership (CCL)’s 360 assessment programs. Contact us to discuss your 360 needs.
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