No matter what I do in this life there is only one thing I can be better at than everyone else
...and that is being me.
No one can be more me than me, yet to consistently 'be me' means I need to fully commit to loving and accepting myself - warts and all.
I would be lying if I said that I feel this commitment 100% of the time. And it is exactly when this 'me-ness' feels shaky that I notice the insecurities creeping in and instead of accepting I am human I begin to feel shame at my so-called 'negative' qualities.
I've really been trying to work on this recently and to not give myself (or others) such a hard time for being human. It was on my mind when I came across this passage in Anam Cara by John O'Donohue.
“If you try to avoid or remove the awkward quality, it will pursue you. The only effective way to still its unease is to transfigure it, to let it become something creative and positive that contributes to who you are.
Nietzsche said that one of the best days in his life was the day when he re-baptized all his negative qualities as his best qualities. Rather than banishing what is at first glimpse unwelcome, you bring it home to unity with your life…..One of your sacred duties is to exercise kindness toward them. In a sense, you are called to be a loving parent to your delinquent qualities”
I love his idea of having 'delinquent qualities'...I love the idea of taking that feeling of unconditional love that a parent has for a child and applying it to myself. But how do I action this? how do I work towards being more kind to myself in order to really 'be me'?
Loving yourself is a first chakra issue. It revolves around our deep grounding connection to the earth and the security of knowing that we have a right to be here and are supported. A confidence that comes from knowing that our needs (not necessarily our wants) will always be met.
Maintaining a solid grounding in life is akin to creating a strong pot - a pot which you then fill will all your fabulous 'me-ness'. Start to feel ungrounded; tired, flighty, insecure, over-analytical or critical and the pot develops cracks where all this wonderful 'me-ness' drips out - leaving you a depleted, weakened, self-loathing version of yourself - and not much fun to be around.
One of the best ways to get re-grounded once the cracks start to appear is to DO LESS.
So I am going to be a strict parent to my 'me-ness'. I am making a commitment to myself that when I start to feel cracks appear I will slow down. I will try not to over schedule myself. I will re-set my boundaries. I will check in with myself throughout the day and take my emotional pulse. I will prioritise a cup of tea over the housework and I will allow a few plates to come crashing to the ground knowing it's for the greater good. I will give myself interventions in the form of having fun in nature, dancing to silly music, going to more yoga classes, regular early nights and taking long hot baths.
What would you commit to in order to be more you? I'd love to hear your ideas...