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Note: You can also read this tip on fluidcircle.net. If you'd like to share it with someone that's probably the best way.

When the stakes are high and emotions run hot it's not so easy to make the best decisions we would normally be capable of.

The following set of questions will help you gain clarity on what you actually want and how to give it your best shot.

Foggy forest photo by Sebastian Unrau via Unslash


Step 1) What are the facts of the situation? 

Try to separate the facts from your interpretations and judgements.

It's not possible to do it completely as our senses are inherently limited and our brains are interpretation machines, but you can definitely get closer if you practice consistently.

The clearer your picture of the baseline reality is the better your decisions are likely to be.
 

What happened and how do I know it actually happened that way? What exactly did I see and hear? What did I do?

 

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Step 2) What does it mean to me?

Don't believe everything you think and don't ignore it either.

Dump the stories you tell yourself into a text file (or paper if you're into that kind of vintage tech).

Use them to guide your decisions but don't let them push you around.

What is my internal voice telling me about this? What does that say about the other person? What does that say about me? How do i feel about it? 

 

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Step 3) What do I want?


Beyond the knee-jerk reaction — What is it that I would actually like to have happen? What are my needs or values that I want to satisfy or protect? What virtues would I most like to uphold?
 

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4) What can I do?

What exactly do I want to ask the other person to do or not do? When? Where? How? What can I myself do differently in order to get what I want?
 

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I hope these questions will serves you as well as they did me.

 

See you soon,

 

Michał
 

 

 

Copyright © 2020 Fluid Circle Michał Parkoła, All rights reserved.


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