Between now and the end of February, all the WisdomWednesday tips are going to be relationship-based. And then, stay tuned for an amazing offer mid-February where you can put all these tools to use!!
Tip: Know Your and Your Partner's Love Language
One of my favorite tools to start with when I am working with couples is to have them discover their love language, which is based on the book by Gary Chapman. Our love language is the way that we know we are loved, by the kind of time and attention our partner gives us.
The 5 are:
Acts of Service
Words of Affirmation
The challenge is, not all couples have the same love language, so they tend to give their partner, what they most want, and since that might not be what you want to receive, the effort and intentions can often get missed.
Let me give you an example (albeit, based on a out-dated, traditional old-school model of marriage): Wife is home with the kids, does the laundry, helps kids with their homework, makes a delicious dinner; Husband comes home from work, thanks his wife for all she did all day, gets up from the table, clears the dishes, takes out the garbage, then sits on the couch the rest of the night. She gets annoyed with him and scoffs off to their room, and he even is frustrated with her. They go to bed with no sex or even much conversation, totally disconnected.
What happened here? They both performed a lot of acts of service, and he even gave her words of affirmation. But she wanted quality time (which is why she was annoyed when he was just on the couch doing his thing all night) and he probably wanted words of affirmation ("Thank you for going to work all day, and doing all the chores when you got home; I appreciate you.")
Even though they were both doing kind things, and necessary things, it wasn't what the other needed to feel acknowledged and loved.
Want to learn more ways to increase your love, connection and partnership? Check out my and John's new website on how you can have The Ultimate Relationship.