I've learned that in relationship, how you show up in times of conflict matters.
Tip: Make Repair Attempts
We all have wounds, triggers and past pains that contribute to present moment challenges, however, if you let those get in the way of repairing when there's been a mishap, a slight, an argument, or a fight, you'll stay stuck.
So here's the tip: a repair attempt is stepping towards your partner, reaching out in an attempt to heal and reconnect.
But if you're anything like John and I (and by that, I mean, you're human!), you aren't always going to be in the mood to make the repair - but here's the thing: you don't need to be in the mood to start the process of healing and reconnecting.
The repair attempt can be small, and it doesn't necessarily have to solve the whole conflict. But it's a way to get the connection reignited. It's the kind gesture, eye contact, hand on the arm, or it can be explicit by saying, "Honey, this is me making a repair attempt; I'm sorry I hurt your feelings."
It will be the thing that will allow your brain to calm down, and allow you to access your tools for effective communication.
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