Good afternoon dear reader & welcome to my world for another week. In my article two weeks ago, I advised you I may be having the next 2~3 weeks away on leave, & how I had some misgiving & ongoing frustration(s) in many areas. Essentially, mostly recovered, I have some new enthusiasm for where I am today.
Being fully recovered is an absolute fantastic feeling. However, being recovered does not mean life is perfect, but it does mean I can cope with situations without resorting to certain behaviours. It means being comfortable with who I am. Being in a relationship with myself & my soul is top priority. There is much freedom at this stage of my life, which is so exciting.
There was a time in my life where I gave up some of my passions, due to other people's expectations ~ however, this is no longer the case. Through denying certain activities, it had the impact of me realising just how passionate I was about certain things.
It also means there will always be some area of life which will need addressing or fine tuning, & I accept this as being part of the freedom of full recovery. I am ok with this, & accept as being my destiny. It means having the freedom to be me, & voice my opinions ~ even if others do not agree with them. As honesty is something I value, this is something I try to live by ~ I feel honesty equals respect for others.
Also, I believe the most challenging times of our lives, are what offer us the most important lessons to be learnt. Part of my freedom is being able to open up to people, & also, realising I need to be able to have a freedom around what I articulate ~ because one of my personality traits is to go with the flow, so if my enthusiasm for life is curbed in any way, it can have unpleasant personal results.
Freedom surrounding my body image was something I also struggled with. Part of my body image was tied in with some physical problems I was having. Going through the physical discomfort added to the shame I had surrounding my body.
Freedom surrounding hobbies, clothes, goals in life, also tie in with what being recovered means.
Yes, there are some scenarios which may cause discomfort, but I know I have the equipment in my toolbag, to deal with them in the best way I know how. Also, being recovered means acknowledging I may not always deal with things in the ideal way ~ I am only human after all, & no one is perfect, except being perfect at being imperfect.
Being recovered means I am ok if I feel sad & disheartened, as feeling all feelings, regardless of what they are, is part of what being human is about. No one is happy all of the time, so why should it be any different for me? Through recovery, I have found it harder to have the eggshell around me I used to have ~ people tend to now know when I am feeling vulnerable or whatever, as it tends to show.
Thank you for taking the time to be with me once again. I hope my journey may encourage you also. This is Kenn Butler in Paradise, Nelson, with my best wishes for the week ahead. I look forward to being with you all again next week, hopefully.