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Purim 5781
ONLY RELIABLY UNVERIFIED INFORMATION!!
NEWS
CDC Policy Requires Masks on All Historical Pictures

New CDC guidelines requires YTCTE to photoshop face masks on all old pictures dating back to January 2020.

"I've always wanted to make history," says YTCTE Photoshopper Shua Klein, "but this wasn't how I envisioned it."

 
KES Students Launch Covid Campaign
Much to the chagrin of the Medical Advisory Board, KES students launched their own Covid Campaign. "While we aren't anti-anybody, we want antibodies" one anonymous student said as he licked his Corona flavored lollipop.
New Way to Avoid the Carpool Line
YTCTE has strategically installed zip lines in a number of South Florida neighborhoods. You are now able to Zip your child over (if he isn't Zooming in) instead of waiting on the dreaded carpool line. Due to overwhelmingly popular demand, we are looking into the possibility of installing one in Toms River as well.
Parent Union Requires 14 Day Quarantine Before Sending Kids Home for Pesach
Under new guidelines just released, the YTCTE Parent Union announced that students must undergo a 14 day in-school quarantine before being allowed home for Pesach vacation. "While we understand that this puts added stress on teachers and that dealing with kids bedtime is typically not their jobs, we are all in this together to ensure the safety of our students," the statement reads.
Rare Occurrence in DACHS

Rabbi Yaakov Dreyfuss, DACHS Assistant principal and lifelong Yekki, was uncharacteristically so late for Mincha this past Tuesday that he missed Ashrei. Thankfully, he made it in time for "Yoshvei Vaysecha."
BREAKING: YTCTE Choir Boys Don't Even Know The Words 
Rumor has it the YTCTE Choirs Boys didn't even learn the words to this year's Dinner song. "We were wearing masks over our mouths, we didn't have to try to fake it this year." said choir member Chaim Singsoffkey.
Ms. Tamir Runs Out of Band Aids
Ms. Sara Tamir has officially run out of band aids. She has resorted to using scotch tape as she awaits her daily shipment from Amazon. "Scotch tape holds the air conditioning system together, there is no reason it can't be used to secure an eyeball," Ms. Tamir said.
YTCTE in Negotiations to Merge with Yeshiva Darchei Torah
"Just about all our families are in the process of moving to Miami anyway," Darchei Menahel, Rabbi Yaakov Bender said. "Yeshiva Darchei Torah South is the only logical move." Where Rabbi Bender's fish tank will go has yet to be determined.
YTCTE Students Sue Climate Change Agency for Being the Only State Not Affected by "Snowmagedon"
"It Snow Fair," says C. B. Hollander of JPK.
NY Governor Andrew Cuomo to receive "YTCTE Recruiter of the Year Award" at Upcoming Dinner
Eric Yuan, CEO of Zoom, will be receiving the Harbatzas Torah Award
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Yeshiva Toras Chaim Toras Emes · Klurman Campus · 1025 NE Miami Gardens Drive · North Miami Beach, FL 33179 · USA