Purim 5782
KES and EECC Move Carpool Pickup to 8:30 AM
To avoid unnecessary congestion on the carpool line and appease our residential neighbors, KES and EECC have moved carpool pickup back to 8:30 AM. This way parents will only have to carpool one time each day. One parent said: "I am thrilled with this! Now I won't have to wait for my child to come from his classroom. He can just go straight back into the car." Rabbi Zev Roth praised the innovative idea, "We are constantly trying to make carpool more efficient and by making dropoff and pickup at the same time, we are really killing 2 birds with 1 stone." For an additional fee, your child's teachers will greet him at the entrance to the carpool line before he goes back home.
Tent Campaign
YTCTE nixes new building campaign; Board decides a large tent is far more affordable and equally effective. Credit goes to Machane Miami for the ingenious naming of Thunderdome (South Campus tent on former RMS soccer field) and Igloo (South Campus KES boys tent). Both Thunderdome and Igloo are faring quite well, despite some squishy floor surface when it rains. We suggest you invest in rain boots to protect your shoes in inclement weather. Naming opportunities available for Tent #3 start at 6 million. Email r for a refund on all building fees and donations.
Office of Admission Announces End of Waitpool!
Come one, come all! Tell your friends to move to Florida - we can accommodate them with open arms at YTCTE. We have particular rachmanus on applicants from Canada as their COVID restrictions are terrible, but we will take New Yorkers too...and maybe New Jersey transplants. Unfortunately, there isn't actual classroom space but we are delighted to share that we have secured space in Bubby's Fish & Chips (no joke!), the basketball court on the roof of RMS, and the ample sidewalk space on the perimeter of the carpool lane. Conventional classrooms are a thing of the past, and YTCTE is always a leader in educational reform and experiential learning. Students in the Bubby's Fish & Chips classroom may come home smelling a bit fishy, but will bring home deep fried Oreos (a Bubby's special) as a consolation prize. 
Results of YTCTE Internal Audit
YTCTE internal audit to ensure fiscal responsibility reveals extraneous position of COVID coordinator. No one seems to remember what this position was for. If anyone remembers, email (you may or may not receive a response). Tonight's mishmar cholent is sponsored in distant memory of the neverending global pandemic, by the COVID committee who are happy that the emails, calls and texts have stopped. 
YTCTE Staff Announce Merger with Uber Eats  
DACHS, RMS, KES AND EECC division offices announce early retirement as they have formed a lucrative merger with Uber Eats and are now overnight billionaires. This merger was only made possible by picky eaters and forgetful parents in all divisions. Parents ordering lunch for their children through Uber Eats will now give a percentage to this team of powerhouse executives. Finding replacements to answer incessant questions about the ETA of Holy Schnitzel orders will be gruesome as this group is a tough act to follow. We wish Mrs. Lehrer, Mrs. Oropesa, Mrs. Goldglanz, Mrs. Riesel, Ms. Tamir, Mrs. Deutsch, Mrs. Freilich, Mrs. Krieger, Mrs. Roth and Mrs. Attia well in their future endeavors. 
First Class Transportation Service for YTCTE Students
Introducing premiere bussing service for YTCTE students! Once you ride First Class on the YTCTE A380, you will almost forget the unmentionable great bussing fiasco of Fall 2021. All first class bus suites are semi-enclosed and provide ample privacy for those wishing to sleep during the entire bus ride. All students will be last to be picked up, and first to be dropped off (nothing is impossible). In true door-to-door service, bus attendants will come into your home at the right time for your child (not too early or too late), wake your children with a soft classical Tchaikovsky composition and escort them onto the bus using soft welcoming tones. While en route, students will be served a gourmet breakfast and entertained until they reach their destination. Contact for more information. PS- We are still looking for bus drivers and bus monitors. Parent volunteers welcome. 
New Teacher's Lounge- Dining Al Fresco
Teachers were delighted to visit the new teacher's lounge conveniently located on 11th Avenue. While the original indoor lounge was commandeered for additional classroom and office space, the new outdoor lounge is a marked improvement from the original substandard lounge. The joys of dining al fresco are wildly underrated, especially in humid and balmy Miami weather. Donations welcome for patio furniture and used coffee machines to help spruce up the new outdoor teacher oasis.
Comic Section- Compliments of Rabbi Eli Mann, YTCTE Rebbe

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Yeshiva Toras Chaim Toras Emes · Klurman Campus · 1025 NE Miami Gardens Drive · North Miami Beach, FL 33179 · USA