I want to hear your coming out stories, and Sinclair Sexsmith has great taste in slowjams
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Issue #8: Come Out, Come Out, Wherever You Are

Reading List | 5 Questions | Recommended

Reading List


I recommend:

Why Watching HBO Sex Scenes with My Mom Was Good for Me (Nerve)
A new HBO Go ad suggests that watching sex scenes with your parents (or kids) is awkward and should be avoided. Kate Hakala thinks the opposite: watching "Sex and the City" with her mom was one of the most important parts of her sex education.

Most of What You Think You Know About Sex Trafficking Isn’t True (Slate)
So many ideas about sex -- and sex work -- are guided far more by what we think is true than what's actually true. A recent study demonstrates that much of what we think we know about sex work and sex trafficking is actually more myth than fact -- and demonstrates why we need more unbiased research if we really want to help sex workers out.

A New Standard of Sexual Behavior? Are Claims Associated With the “Hookup Culture” Supported by General Social Survey Data? (The Journal of Sex Research)
And in other debunking news: turns out everything we thought we knew about hook up culture is totally baseless, too. Next thing you'll be telling me rainbow parties aren't real.

Kegel Exercises for Men? A New Study Reveals All! (YourTango)
Remember when I said that pelvic floor exercises were good for everyone? Well, here's some info on how to strengthen your pelvic floor even if you don't have a vagina.

Sex Advice from Hand Job Academy (Nerve)
My favorite all girl rap group offers some real talk about having an awesome, fulfilling sex life.

Got a coming out story that you'd like to share online?

Send me an email! Am looking to feature a wide variety of stories about people coming to terms with -- and going public about -- non-normative sexual/gender identities (be that being gay, being kinky, being poly, being trans, or something else entirely).


5 Questions: Sinclair Sexsmith

"I'm a writer, teacher, and coach about sexualities, genders, relationships, and kink. I theorize and write articles, dirty stories, journal entries, and advice on, I travel all over and teach workshops, and I see clients one-on-one for gender consultation, identity puzzles, and sexuality experiments."

How did you first learn about sex?
I've always been interested in it. Childhood games, I suppose, would be the first learnings about bodies and kissing and touching, but my first major exposure came from stealing Nancy Friday's book My Secret Garden from a babysitting gig when I was about 12 or 13. It's published in the 1970s, and depicts interviews with hundreds of women about their sexual fantasies. It was groundbreaking, and it was an excellent thing for a budding sex-obsessed feminist to read, because it normalized fantasizing about all sorts of weird shit, and it had some very detailed descriptions of how the women interviewed would masturbate. So of course I tried all the different ways until I found some of my favorites.  

How did you really learn about sex?
On the internet. I spent a lot of time in telnet BBSs and chatrooms in 1993-4, and met my first major boyfriend on a chatroom, we were long distance for a few years until we moved to be together, and eventually dated for 6 years. We spent hours and hours (hundreds? probably) talking about sex, what we liked, didn't like, what we wanted to do to each other. Pretty much everything was fair game, and it was all extremely safe—given that we were thousands of miles away. I was pretty shameless about buying sex books from my local bookstore, even as a teenager.

What's your favorite make out slowjam?
Morphine. I love the Like Swimming album, but any of them are good. The low saxophone, his deep voice. mmmm. I also really love Me'Shell NdegeOcello's albums Weather and Bitter for makeouts, they have a similar lush low whispery tone and good beats behind if or when we finally slide into the naked sexytimes.

If you could make out with any alien race, which would you pick?
Betazoids ... I have long had a crush on Deanna Troi. That empath thing would make her so fucking sensual in bed, I bet. Plus, they have "the phase" in midlife, which increases their sex drive.

You're doomed to spend the rest of your life with access to either sex toys *or* porn and erotica. Which do you pick?
Fuckkk that's hard—written smut and strap-ons are two of my very biggest fetishes. I suppose I would keep the sex toys, because I could always write my own erotica, but it'd be much harder for me to craft my own strap-on cock. But if I had no other choice but to make my own, AudreLorde knows I'd try!

Check out the Sugarbutch Chronicles, see Sinclair's portfolio, and find them on Twitter and Facebook.

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