Well folks, it’s that time of year again! Let's check in with our very own Dr. Dan Tomley. This has been a difficult year for the AARP (Advanced Applied Research Program) at Danley. Last year at this time we announced our Hypergolic driver attached to the Marturion horn. Dr. Dan was very disappointed that this incredible invention was met with a tad less enthusiasm they we had hoped. Here is a photo taken at the independent testing labs we used to evaluate our prototype. It is also the last known photograph of Dr. Carson Flamberg, the late director of testing at BLAM, the Boomfield Lab for Acoustic Measurements. You may also recall from last year that Dr. Dan had just spilled some trichloroethylene on his circuit board reducing the amount of flux on the capacitors, resulting in the stunning invention of the Delayed Exponential LOgarithmic RecursIve Algorithmic Network (DELORIAN).
This invention already has proven to be a breakthrough before its time. This year, Dr. Dan, realized that, as is so often the case, the ancients have stolen our secrets, (an unfortunate side effect of the DELORIAN).
Dr. Dan decided to take a metaphoric, if not delicate, stroll through the archives of some of the more important bilabial Magnoliophyta as they might be found in some of the more arcane, yet still irrelevant, technical tomes of yesteryear. Dr. Dan, of course, is a big fan of the late Herbert Buckingham Khaury (and who isn’t), and named his foray into the fantabulous, fortuitous and likely fictional files of our forebears, his “Tiptoeing through the TULIPS.” Of course the Wesleyans were very upset, but that is another story and I digress. While on his (what we will henceforth refer to his F6
) quest, he stumbled upon the following description which completely rocked his world!
“The original machine had a base plate of prefabulated amulite, surmounted by a malleable logarithmic casing in such a way that the two main spurving bearings were in a direct line with the panametric fan. The latter consisted simply of six hydrocoptic marzlevanes, so fitted to the ambifacient lunar waneshaft that side fumbling was effectively prevented. The main winding was of the normal lotus-o-deltoid type placed in panendermic semi-boloid slots in the stator, every seventh conductor being connected by a nonreversible tremmie pipe to the differential girdlespring on the "up" end of the grammeters.”
Well, Dr Dan realized that this is exactly what he had been searching for. For the first time he was going to be able to achieve, through the syncronistic application of para-equalgraphulators especially of the quasiconiferous order, a perfect melding of both the Microencabulation and Synergistic Graticules not only reducing the number of hydrocoptic marzlevanes from six to five, but more importantly improving the synergy in all the products we produce. This, of course, gave Dr. Dan a whole new way of looking at things. He called his new invention MSG, and although he realized that it gave some people severe headaches, it made the Synergy horn taste so much better…..