Keeping the spark alive
The fire stays lit when we tend to it.
We can survive for a while with just a small spark of life in our hearts. That little spark gets us from place to place --dishes get washed, work gets done. Life moves along but just barely. Time drags us by the hand into the next day and the next.
Living on just that tiny spark in your gut works fine until the day something drastic happens and it feels like the temperature drops in your life...or in your bedroom. Life and bedrooms get cold for lots of reasons and most of them surprise us. We end up wishing we had started a blazing fire of passion and energy back when our fingers worked and we knew where the matches were.
How do we keep a fire going? How do we restart one when it's just barely a spark anymore?
When you are in a cold time, it can feel impossible to get the fire going again, but I promise it is possible. There are actually only a couple things we need to have a great marriage that burns with a fire that can keep you warm on the coldest days. These couple things are a simple but constant challenge. Start now. Once you take the first two tools firmly in hand, the whole world of possibilities opens up. Whether you are married or not, you can start thinking on these. It's never too early or too late. They apply to everyone:
When you get married, you marry that person's body and soul throughout the entirety of their lives.
- I did not marry my husband's mind alone - nor his romantic side, his humor, or his body. Step one is realizing that when we get married, we marry the entire person and are committing ourselves to the care and love of the entire person. When we try to get away with only loving parts of them and hoping the rest just sits quietly in the back, we are setting ourselves up for a cold future. Love the whole person -- love their neck, love their lips, their inner thighs, love their laugh, love their voice, love their personality, love the way they say "Good Morning". Actively develop a love for each and every part. Then, show that love through actions.
- I did not marry my husband on our wedding day alone - I married the versions of him I would know each and every day throughout our lives... and he is a changing, living being. He is different everyday. So, I remarry him everyday. Tool two is realizing that when we get married, we marry the entire person throughout the days of their life. When I try to get away with loving a past or future version of him, I am not living up to my vows to love the real man. The only "real" version of your spouse you will ever know is the one alive right here and right now. THIS is who you've chosen to love.
Once we stop fighting against these two truths, we are ready to get down to the real fun. Love and Making It is the exploration and celebration and pleasure of the WHOLE person. The whole person who is right here, in this present moment, needing to be loved, and loved well.