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Love and Making It
Living a Brave and Beautiful Life in Bed and Out
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Keeping the spark alive

The fire stays lit when we tend to it.


We can survive for a while with just a small spark of life in our hearts. That little spark gets us from place to place --dishes get washed, work gets done. Life moves along but just barely. Time drags us by the hand into the next day and the next. 

Living on just that tiny spark in your gut works fine until the day something drastic happens and it feels like the temperature drops in your life...or in your bedroom.  Life and bedrooms get cold for lots of reasons and most of them surprise us. We end up wishing we had started a blazing fire of passion and energy back when our fingers worked and we knew where the matches were.

How do we keep a fire going? How do we restart one when it's just barely a spark anymore?

When you are in a cold time, it can feel impossible to get the fire going again, but I promise it is possible. There are actually only a couple things we need to have a great marriage that burns with a fire that can keep you warm on the coldest days. These couple things are a simple but constant challenge.  Start now.  Once you take the first two tools firmly in hand, the whole world of possibilities opens up. Whether you are married or not, you can start thinking on these. It's never too early or too late. They apply to everyone:

When you get married, you marry that person's body and soul throughout the entirety of their lives. 

  1. I did not marry my husband's mind alone - nor his romantic side, his humor, or his body. Step one is realizing that when we get married, we marry the entire person and are committing ourselves to the care and love of the entire person. When we try to get away with only loving parts of them and hoping the rest just sits quietly in the back, we are setting ourselves up for a cold future. Love the whole person -- love their neck, love their lips, their inner thighs, love their laugh, love their voice, love their personality, love the way they say "Good Morning". Actively develop a love for each and every part.  Then, show that love through actions. 
     
  2. I did not marry my husband on our wedding day alone - I married the versions of him I would know each and every day throughout our lives... and he is a changing, living being.  He is different everyday. So, I remarry him everyday. Tool two is realizing that when we get married, we marry the entire person throughout the days of their life. When I try to get away with loving a past or future version of him, I am not living up to my vows to love the real man.  The only "real" version of your spouse you will ever know is the one alive right here and right now. THIS is who you've chosen to love. 

Once we stop fighting against these two truths, we are ready to get down to the real fun. Love and Making It is the exploration and celebration and pleasure of the WHOLE person.  The whole person who is right here, in this present moment, needing to be loved, and loved well. 

 

Now, come closer because this part will be even harder to do than loving a partner through steps 1 & 2...

YOU. 

You are a whole person, living through time.  You are changing every second. You are made of mind, body, soul, laughter, wonder, stardust, and dirt. You are lovable. Every part of you is worthy of love - tender, passionate, active love.  You are lovable now and you will be lovable tomorrow. Take steps 1 & 2 and apply them to your own relationship with YOU. Until you agree to do this for yourself, it will be infinitely harder to allow anyone else to do this for you. 

We think that our sex lives will improve when we fix our relationships with our partners, but most fundamentally they will improve as we learn to love our own whole selves. This is not just rhetoric, it works.
TELL YOUR FRIENDS. FORWARD THIS TO YOUR SPOUSE. 
PASSIONALS á GOGO: THE FREE NEWSLETTER
BRAND NEW. 

Healthy | Fun | Free | Beautiful
People are like the ocean, we can sail across the top and have a lot of fun. We can also investigate the depths and see where their life really comes from. 

The best part about Love and Making It is that there are infinite possibilities for love and play and meaning... even between two monogamous people.

We get to know ourselves better and we get to know them better and every interaction is a chance to do each other better. :)

The fire stays lit when we tend to it.

Listen. We are bombarded with sights and sounds that tell us we are just not good enough and neither is our spouse. Let’s rebel against all of those messages together.

LOVE AND MAKING IT: REAL SEX. REAL LOVE. 
 
BRAVERY | BEAUTY | FREEDOM
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